Effortless Dating: The Inherent Issues in Modern Dating

Swipe-Based Dating Apps (SBDA) have become an integral part of modern relationships, reshaping how people meet and interact. By providing access to an expansive pool of potential partners, they promise convenience, security, and endless possibilities. However, the very design of these platforms often undermines meaningful connections, replacing effort and genuine interaction with superficial selection and algorithmic shortcuts. This article explores the core issues with dating apps, the shortcomings of different models, and what can be done to bring back the good old dating, where efforts were rewarded.

Swipe Culture: A Superficial Connection

The swipe-based mechanism of many dating apps encourages users to decide in seconds based on a photo or a quirky bio. This design fosters two significant issues:

1. Dissatisfaction from Matches
   Matches often fail to meet expectations because users have made decisions based on limited, surface-level information.
2. Lost Opportunities
   Many potentially compatible profiles are ignored because they don’t immediately stand out in a sea of curated photos.
3. Preference Inflation
   Dating app algorithms tend to prioritize and promote attractive profiles. This creates a cycle where users are exposed to idealized standards, causing them to reject profiles that would have otherwise been considered appealing in a real-world setting. The result? A paradox of choice leading to dissatisfaction.

Algorithmic Bias and Inequity

Dating apps rely heavily on algorithms to recommend matches, but these algorithms often perpetuate biases and inequities. Attractive individuals are prioritized, while those who deviate from societal beauty standards are pushed to the periphery. This creates a hierarchy of desirability that leaves many users feeling excluded or undervalued.

The Problem with “Compatibility-Based” Apps

To combat these problems, a lot of new dating apps have attempted to move beyond physical attraction by matching users based on multiple criteria like interests, values, and personality traits. However, these apps face their own set of challenges:

1. False Sense of Compatibility
   Matching based on questionnaires and algorithms creates the illusion of compatibility but often fails to account for the chemistry that develops through in-person interactions.
2. Overwhelming Complexity
   The detailed profiles and questionnaires required by these apps can discourage users, making the process feel like a chore rather than a natural interaction.
3. Neglect of Effort and Spontaneity
   These apps remove the unpredictability of real-life dating, where effort, humor, and charisma can outweigh checklist compatibility.

The Shift Away from Effort in Modern Dating

In traditional dating, effort was a crucial element. Whether through conversations, thoughtful gestures, or persistence, the process of getting to know someone often created bonds. Dating apps, by emphasizing instant gratification, have minimized the role of effort. Users swipe, match, and then expect an immediate spark — often forgetting that relationships require time and work. Often, this results in a quick mismatch in one or two interactions, leading to further toxicity and depression on online dating platforms.

1. The Lack of Second Chances
   In face-to-face interactions, people have the opportunity to revisit their first impressions and give others a chance to win them over. Dating apps strip away this possibility by pushing users to make snap judgments.
2. The Illusion of Control
   The curated nature of dating apps gives users a false sense of control over their dating lives. In reality, they are at the mercy of algorithms and societal biases, making the process feel impersonal and transactional.
3. The Decline of Authenticity
   Dating apps encourage users to present their most polished selves, often leading to profiles that are more about impressing strangers than expressing authenticity. This disconnect makes it harder to form genuine connections.

How to Fix Dating Apps

To address these issues, dating apps need a fundamental shift in design and philosophy. Here are some potential solutions:

1. Prioritize Interaction Over Appearance
   Apps could encourage users to engage in conversations. All other aspects like their photo, likes and dislikes, background, ice-breakers, etc. would fall secondary in this approach. This would shift the focus from appearance to effortful compatibility. This requires removal of restriction on conversations, that most of the dating apps have.
2. Reintroduce Effort
   Dating apps could incorporate features that reward effort, such as allowing users to send personalized video messages or participate in group discussions based on shared interests.
3. Encourage Open-Mindedness
   Apps should educate users on the dangers of bias and the value of giving people a second chance. Features that randomly highlight diverse profiles or prevent instant rejection could help users move beyond superficial criteria.
4. Limit the Role of Algorithms
   Instead of relying solely on algorithms, apps could introduce more randomization, allowing for serendipitous matches that mimic real-life encounters.
5. Facilitate Real-Life Interactions
   Apps could host virtual or in-person events where users can interact naturally, reducing the reliance on profiles and algorithms.

Conclusion

Dating apps have undoubtedly made it easier to meet people, but their design often undermines the very essence of dating: effort, connection, and authenticity. By prioritizing superficial traits and algorithmic efficiency, these platforms create a culture of disappointment and missed opportunities. To truly succeed, dating apps must evolve to foster meaningful connections and reintroduce the human element that makes relationships worth pursuing. Ultimately, dating should be less about matching and more about giving each other a chance.